Summer Break Is Here!

Woo-hoo!

As most of us did upon college graduation, I immediately found work in the private sector. Time off was slim, beginning with the typical 2 weeks of vacation, 8 sick days, 3 personal days—not including a handful of Federal holidays—out of a 365 day calendar year. I call that bullshit! It’s paid slavery, I tells ya! The only thing missing was getting physically whipped for being unproductive, though verbal lashings were common.

After enduring the private sector for over 30 years, the last 5 years finds me employed in public school education for only 10 months of the year. Now, if you minus out holidays, winter and summer breaks, it comes down to approximately 9 months of employment. Yet, with having an entire summer off (now who doesn’t want that?) my mindset reverts to those days of being a kid, having all summers off, starting with kindergarten and continuing through college. And you know what? It now has an element of cruelty! There’s no one home to play ball or ride bikes with, or go to the town pool. My friends either are working, or don’t live conveniently nearby. I want to stay up late watching TV, or even going to the diner after a late movie to eat french fries while washing it down with a chocolate malted. Since my wife works full-time, I wake up to daily honey-do lists on the kitchen table like I care.

At my current age, mind vs body becomes a paradox: I can’t stay up past 9 pm, have to avoid fried foods, sugar and fat. Basically anything that tastes good. Fun...what’s that? Thanks cholesterol and blood pressure! To pass the boredom, if I masturbate long enough, I can get over 2 miles logged on my Fitbit, which is the equivalent of over 4,000 steps and over 300 calories burned. Hey! It counts!

Sure, there’s plenty of time to write, workout and read all in relative peace with no distractions, which eventually leads to the daily nap. Yet, I’ve found one truly good thing about being home: I don’t have to endure the harsh toilet paper at work, which I believe they get imported from an eastern Europe distributor for a huge discount. Each wipe sounds like you’re sanding wood. Hemorrhoids don’t have a chance.

By the end of August, boredom sets in like maggots in a carcass. I’m now longing to have interactions with people again after Labor Day. But about two days before returning to work, I come to the hard realization I’m fooling myself—I have zero desire to work: I cherish boredom. Yet, not returning means a loss of a salary, health insurance and a routine that ensures I get my ass off the couch. And it’s a comfy one too!

This summer I plan to get back to writing my sci-fi humor novel (or novella) Interstellar Heller after putting it on the back-burner. I can’t tell you much about it, but yes—it’s out of this world literally and humorously. It’s sick, twisted, full of weird characters, aliens, jokes and gags. It would be inspiring to get paid to write this. Anyone wanna advance me a few thousand dollars?…I didn’t think so. No autographed copies for any of you!

Having off today for Juneteenth is a preview of what’s to come this summer after school finishes up end of next week. So far, I’ve finished reading a biography, worked on this, power-walked and now gearing up for a power-nap under my blankie on the couch.

I might do the honey-do list and I may not? I’m not worried. I have the entire summer.

THE END

Dear Readers,

With many here having limited funds to subscribe to some of your favorite writers - I’ve dropped the price for annual and Founding subscriptions (for a limited time) to my Substack The Joke’s On Younewsletter, containing personal humor essays, humorous short stories and more:

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